My Support Forums - View Single Post - My story...just because I don't have anyone in real life to tell it to

Nammu · Sep 21, 2013, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OPRMC

I actually just began reading Feeling Good. Thanks for the tip. If my posts seem overly critical of my parents, please realize it is because this is the first time in my adult life that I've been willing to place blame on anybody but myself. I am tired of hating myself on a daily basis and it's easy to see that all the issues I'm dealing with stem from things that I began experiencing well before I was an adult or teen.

I think our parents are a lot alike. Growing up in my house there could be a raging wall of silent rage between my parents but the moment anyone called everyone was all smiles and friendly. Any feelings other than fine were not validated and not allowed.

I hid my depression behind a mask of social politeness and smiles and after I married an abusive guy I hid that too....until one day I could not hide behind the smiles any more and tried suicide. Of course my mom wanted to know how I could do such a thing to her! For a while after everything broke loose I too was extremely critical of my folks, and everything else around me. Part of that was the years of depression that turned everything into a negative, part of it was learning to feel my emotions, name them, and get used to acknowledging that I had feelings other than happy & fine.

This is just part of your growing awareness that "fine" doesn't work. I loved my parents and still do, we became closer and more comfortable after I went though therapy although there were a few very rocky years when my father felt I had let the family name down. Dad died years ago but my mother and I are now closer than ever before, I've learned that she went though a lot of depression too and wishes now that she had, had the strength to go to therapy years earlier. Your parents might just surprise you.