Thanks guys. I finally emailed him because of something he said in our closing prayer. I thought he said he hoped I would love "better" but it turns out he said "love well" and here is what he explained to me by email:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hmmm. . . , I think what I said was "love well" but either way, I don't think we as people (not just you) do not really know what it means to love others (or ourselves) or to love God. And there are all these paradoxes that don't make sense - boundaries and sacrifice for one example. We need to be able to do both and do them at the right times - what a challenge. So, that was what I was thinking about.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

So, from this it doesn't seem like he thinks I'm being mean at all, only that I struggle with how to treat my hubby as well as possible all things considered.

I just beat myself up because sometimes, especially when I'm PMS'ing, I want someone to take care of ME, but that doesn't change the fact that hubby still needs my support.

Hubby told me yesterday that he doesn't know why I'm so hard on myself. He said that so what I'm a little moody sometimes. He said that he's very thankful for having me and that I do show my love to him just fine.

I had also shared some stuff with my counselor about when I was in my late teens and early 20's and it was such a different person than I am now. I was sleeping around doing drugs, even had an abortion. And then I worried. . . does he see I've changed? And have I really changed deep inside? Or am I just doing what I think I should do but I've still got the same ugliness inside? It's something I'm struggling with.