What is your objection to taking an AP? I don't want to be on any medication. I'm taking 1/2 of an AP every other day right now and it's still driving me crazy. I don't even take tylenol.

I did not plan to take medication when I originally went in I went only for therapy. Without my awesome Pdoc, fear for hospitals and therapists insistence I would not be taking anything. If I didn't fully believe that my therapist would hospitalize me with out meds then I would not take them because even medicated I sometimes scare her. That's why after 2 yrs T finally convince me to keep a PRN around the house so I don't act on violent thoughts when my husband is sleeping if I'm up for several days.

Even temporary use of AP freaks me out. Med changes at all completely throw me off usually into a violent hypo-manic state. Hence, I have only recently increased my lamictal in June (to 150 mg) after 3 years of meds. Pdoc usually waits until I ask to increase anything.

- I refuse to have any side effects
- I refuse to take anything more than 1x a night
- I refuse to take any medication that even may cause weight gain
- I quickly stop taking medication
(I start getting paranoid that pdoc is trying to make me gain weight)
- I frequently need to skip or split medication so gelcaps are out
- I frequently need to pay out of pocket
- Even low doses of medication has weird side effects with me

I'd be willing to try a very small doses of abilify but there's no way I could pay out of pocket for the med. and my insurance does not cover it.