My first time was also in a sea of motions, blinded by eternal sadness, seeming to be stuck in a world of gloom... I was relentless with breaking a razor, until I finally got the blade out, but it's too easy to get hooked. I've finally managed to be SI free for about a month and a half now, and I feel SO much better <3 please don't try to do it again! If you ever feel the desire, you can PM me, I'd love to talk to you and get to know you better