Ugh it's yuck. And my mind is constantly wondering what it's doing to my BMI. I grew 1 1/2 cm a year or so ago during recovery and I swear I thought I'd throw a parade.

Nobody is weighing me religiously so I've nothing to hide. But it affects *me*. I just feel so inadequate. Like if I've to be mentally ill then at least be 'good' at it. Wtf. I know I know. But I just think if I have to have an ed, then the least I could do is be thin to show it. And I'm not thin right now, I'm normal.

I think it's just about challenging these clearly disordered thoughts and try to make my automatic thoughts me more healthy. Sigh