You will not get past the side effects justtaking it every other day, and it is probably not doing you much good that way.

I am concerned that your illness is clouding your judgment about this, like bipolarnurse said. You have pretty constant violent thoughts, sometimes outbursts at your husband, your son has commented on your anger as you mentioned in another thread. Honestly, you often sound very severe in your symptoms and medication might could stabilize you. I am concerned that at times the extreme thoughts and actions you have shared here are far beyond safe and stable, and I am concerned not only for you, but for your whole family. Can you consider that medication could help stabilize life for all of you? Please don't take this as criticism or scolding. That is not my intent at all, but I am honestly at times very scared about your situation.