I'm going to have to disagree with your statement that it's all up to you. Because I thought that for a while. But honestly, all these nights of loneliness and just tired of being alone, I'm finally going to a support group tomorrow. I think to a certain extent we can all control what happens in our lives, but to think we have total control is, I think, an illusion. I come from a codependent family, where you're raised to be anything but independent and absolutely no skills on how interdependence/socializing works.

I don't mean to immediately bring down your point of view, and I hope I haven't offended you. But I do relate to your feelings, the feeling of my life is in my own hands and how I know much more about me and what I need than those who supposedly are helping me. It sucks to be stuck. I hate it, too.

The only suggestion I have, is looking for support groups. To be in an environment where it is safe to be who we currently are, we are vulnerable and we need compassion. And most of the time, it will come from those who have experienced the same things we've gone through. That is why I'm also giving it a try. Because no matter what, I'll never shake the loneliness away until I take the chance to reach my heart out. And honestly, I'm scared. Because the way my family has handled my heart, I'm a lot more sensitive than I let on and wish to be.