Hey pc long time no see.
It's switch again lost in a world of grey quickly fading to black. I've been on lithium for a while and it use to keep these times away but lately it's been getting harder and harder to get out of bed. I just started school for the first time since my dx 2ish years ago, and I knew it would be hard but I didn't think I'd slip this fast. I can't get out of the apartment to get to school, can't leaves room because I don't want my boyfriend to see me crying, I'm having trouble eating and I keep asking myself "why do I try" and not having an answer.

Today is mabon, a harvest holiday in my faith. I completely forgot. I'll be celebrating it, but likely in a corner at my boyfriends moms house while everyone hunkers down to watch breaking bad and dexter.

I'm starting to slip into sui risk. I'm not there yet but it's starting. I haven't been able to see my T, cbt instructor, or case worker in overs month. I'm scared to go back to hospital. I really don't want that. My cbt instructor isn't going to be happy with me because its been so long and I've messed up big time. I'm getting trapped again and I feel like I can't talk to anyone.