Please don't take this as criticism or scolding.*I'm not taking anything as a criticism. I posted here because I want everyone's opinion partially because at times I don't trust mine or my husband's. I only see my therapist 2x a month. It's difficult to see my symptoms as severe given where I've been as this is not that bad. I'm not afraid that I'll hurt them or myself either intentionally or unintentionally, I'm able to communicate, understand, I don't have to drowned out the noise (in my head or normal outside noise) with music, I'm occasionally sleeping on my own (1-4 hrs), I want to be part of the family, I'm not hallucinating (even my 'normal' tactical hallucination) and I'm still taking in normal (for me) amounts of food/drink. I worry that sometimes I make things sound worse they actually are due to my writing style but at the same time not. This (above posts) I view as slightly hypo-maniac and very short term. I'm starting to gather that 'outsiders' see it as much worse, like they would consider it time for the hospital? I do think the AP is helping as things have gotten better not worse. My PRN is to knock me out until I'm able to get to pdoc for changes in meds when needed and again to me this isn't at that point. I'm only taking the PRN because my T told me I need sleep, slow down, and take it. This is not a time that I'd send my son to family. This said I do plan to ask pdoc to increase my MS and add abilify or the other weight neutral med (I forgot the name bipolarnurse said it) until next time I see pdoc because PC and T think that's what I need. I'll also find out when to call pdoc and how. Like I said I'm very proud that I caught it this early.

Here's the thing about weight gaining meds even after I get out of this I will stop the meds because of the possibility of weight gain because of my ED. Even currently I view taking the AP as gaining a pound a pill and this is not due to mood. The other problem with AP is I'm often out of state (because of family emergencies or holidays) when refills are needed So I need to borrow money and i can not have an expensive AP Which is one of the reasons we are all on the same MS. I think one of the difficult issues is no matter what I have violent thoughts and my husband has suicidal thoughts it just depends on the severity. I cannot have anything in the house that you could OD on because of him. The lamictal he won't OD on because of "skin fally offey disease". I'm in no way ever suicidal. So our doctors have to play this complicated balancing act between the three of us.
I do want to remind everyone that at This time my husband is able to care for our son and we do not live on our own until this May and we have not since our son has been borin. My husband is planning to go in patient if suggested. In September we are planning to move to an area that has higher level care w/o residental treatment.I am very concerned my writing style is effecting the severity of the situation.

Seriously thank-you for writing back and your opinions on my posts do mean a lot to me. Please don't think I'm at all being dismisive because in these matters I trust your opinions before myself or my husband. I know i can be frustrating most of the time. Even with all of our own issues we are still very good parents even if at times we don't sound like it. This is not our own opinion but the people around us to that interact with our family on a daily basis. We shield him from most of our own behavior even at our worst.