I've had a terribly stressful time on so many levels. I foolishly pride myself on not losing my temper, keeping a calm and sometimes a cheery approach.

Too much and I even broke down and cried in front of a friend. Online I have made snide comments and not being very kind. It's not like many see the difference, aspies can be rather blunt even if they don't mean to (and wrongly be accused of being rude on purpose), but I can feel the difference inside. I feel like I've been wearing a porcupine suit. I can tell when I'm bad on purpose and when people just think I'm bad when I mean well.

Anyway, several people have verbally thanked me for posting. It has meant a lot and made the disconnect less. Defused the anger and frustration.

On a site like this, everyone cannot like each other. It is fine. But I have noticed people being almost mean to each other. And instead of backing off, I have thought, they are allowed, so maybe I'm allowed too?

I probably would not have had that thought if I had not been broken down by stress. But I needed to get my frustrations out. Yet again, you might not even noticed, I'm just one of hundreds of active users, but still I have noticed and I think it's my duty to follow my inner morals whether it has a true effect or not on the mental climate here.

Not that I think I need to be cheery. No one has to be if they don't want to be. But have a base in meaning well, in some sort of supportive, kind approach. Not being negative toward others.

My big stressors are over for now. I can see things more clearly now, and I see that many here are fine people. Some day I might even make real friends here.

If I have been short or bad to anyone because of my crappy mood, I apologize. It's not fair to let things spill over like that. It is better to talk it out, what really bothers you. I will try that next time because life is full of stressors.

I hope those who are like me also take this to heart. I have seen people almost fighting over non things. I hope you also can find a way dealing with stuff in a better way.

So what I really came here to say is thank you everyone who have supported me, supported others, been kind, tried to outweigh the bad... tried to make this a better place.

That's all. For now.