thank you all so much for your perspectives!

im not suicidal. i believe in rebirth so i think killing myself is rather pointless

ive done all the research possible. im going against popular advice and the recommendations of my doc by taking only 20mg a day now; been doing this for the past 3 weeks; i feel more motivated and energetic.

happiness is something that still eludes me; but for now, im willing to settle for sanity.