Its just so hard to get up in the morning, especially around this time of year, this year I lost 7 friends, either to suicide or car accidents, its just not fair, I mean why must the people we care about die I mean just a couple of months ago I found out that my child hood best friend died in a car accident, now I sit and wonder whats the point of it all, lets not even mention the fact that last night I saw Brenda the one person in my life that I could rely on, is doing drugs , even though she blamed it for Gareths death, now she doing it, what am I supposed to do, everything is just falling apart for me, nobody understands me, it feels like I'm falling in a black abyss of nothingness. New years is coming up and I feel that I might not make through to the new year, I am hurting badly on the inside and all anybody sees is a smiling person who is happy with the way things go and if I try and talk about it all they tell me is that I must just forget about it and go on with my life. Why do I even bother?