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Sep 22, 2013, 08:05 PM
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 18,108
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I spent all sorts of time typing out what's going on with me and it got eaten by gremlins. Nothing like struggling to write about being emotionally overwhelmed and having it vanish into the ether.
I'm not sure I have it in me to write about it again.....
OK Liz, you know you need to talk about this. Spit it out.
This Thursday will be the 4th anniversary of Mom's death. It's hitting me hard this year. Gawd knows why this year is any harder than other, but it is.
On top of that I got a phone call Thursday that a friend who has been fighting stage 4 cancer entered hospice. I visited her Friday. She was obviously close to the end. We've known this was going to happen. She's been in stage 4 for seven years now,  but it's pulled the rug out from under me.
I'm withdrawing from the world. I'm not sure if this is ok or a bad thing. All my life I've kind of pulled into myself when life becomes overwhelming. My family used to say I was "charging my batteries." I'm not sure if I'm taking care of myself or isolating myself. This weekend I've avoided the phone for fear I would get the call that my friend died.
Thursday I attended a workshop about attachment problems in kids. The presenter talked about people who lack good attachments so they escape by reading, watching TV and movies, spending time online. Now I'm wondering if that's what I'm doing. I live alone. I escape into books, TV and the computer when I get home at night. Lately I've been feeling really lonely. There are times I ache to have someone to come home to at night. On the other hand, I like not having anyone dependent on me.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
My emotions are in a turmoil and I want it to end!
I am trying something new. I want to get back to keeping a journal, but am going to try drawing instead of writing. I bought a small sketch pad this week that I can carry with me. I'll let you know how it works.
Folks I could really use some hugs.
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