Thanks for the responses. Yeah, it does sound like apathy, but to me apathy would mean that you just don't care that you're life is messed up. I care....I just feel completely unable to go about fixing it. I guess the surprise to me was when I took the depression test last night that I linked to in another thread and it put me in the "extreme depression" category. Just seems strange to me when I have always assumed I just exist on a daily basis with mild depression.

I was diagnosed 3-4 years ago with dysthymia, social anxiety disorder, probable seasonal affective disorder, and insomnia. I tried meds, but just kind of gave up on them after months of trying different ones and not really feeling like anything was getting better...it was costing me a ton of money that I didn't really have. I tried therapy for a while at one point. I should try both again, but as I described in another post, I'm sort of trapped in this cycle of being unable to work because of depression and unable to afford to get my depression under control because I can't work. But, I'm going to try to get over it and just look for the simplest job I can possibly find that will at least provide me a little money to get the process started.

So, anyway, I've already gotten lots of good advice here and it just comes down to me needing to follow some of the suggestions and do something. I guess at the moment I'm just finding comfort in writing posts here and hoping that if I vent enough here it might help ease my mind just enough that I can get out and do something to start helping myself.