Hi Bird,

You know, sometimes it does get worse before it gets better. I am afraid, but I have decided that the only way past this... is through it.. and that helps me hang in there.

I also wanted to tell you that I can relate to what you say about change. Fear of and distress about change includes being suspicious of other's motives and a feeling of not being safe. I can end up feeling like I need the world to STOP a minute and let me adjust, please!! Or, that the floor has dropped out from beneath my feet, like in the amusement park ride the Rotor. Anxiety just skyrockets!

I also have issues with shame and feeling deserving; both interfere with my talking in session and then I start worrying about the therapist leaving me because I'm not talking enough... oh boy! And I can sometimes convince myself that what happened to me was just 'the way things were done then'.. but it isn't about that, it is about our feelings about it. We are the 'owners of our truth' as my psychologist puts it.

I tried REBT a few years back and it wasn't helpful to me. I was just more CBT to me. Loved the psychologist but not his preferred method of treatment.

I am currently in psychodynamic therapy with a psychologist and I like her although I'm still getting used to her (and she to me) She's kind and I trust her. She uses guided imagery as a treatment form and it is really very interesting and empowering and produces some amazing results.

The one thing I have committed to, and it isn't always easy , is that when I feel like not going, or like quitting therapy---that is the time to go and hang in there (and tell her that I am thinking about that).

I hope you find what works well for you and makes you feel better! Please tell your therapist everything you said in your post; he/she needs to hear this.

Wishing you the best.

ECHOES