Depression isn't something that you can just "get over and go on with your life". Its not something you decided to feel. Its an illness just like any other long term illness.

The pattern of friends being there when things were ok slowly trickling away when the depression doesn't let up is common. Its very difficult for people who have never experienced it or had a loved one experience it to understand that the problem isn't something that is just going to go away.

People are often uncomfortable around someone who is depressed, even if that person is a friend. They worry that they will say something wrong or don't want to get into the middle of something that is so foreign to them. Moods also tend to be infectious, making "normal" people want to limit their contact with someone who is in a depression. This is when you find out who your real friends are. The ones that stay by you no matter how long it takes.

The best thing I can think of to compare the situation a depressed person is in is someone who is grieving over a loved one. In the beginning, everyone wants to help, has patience and empathizes with you. If the grieving goes on longer than society thinks it should, everyone else moves on, leaving the person in grief alone to deal with it themselves.

I haven't run across any of your posts, so i don't know if you have a therapist, but if you don't, you might want to think about it. If you have a depression that is chemically based, there are medications that can help stabalize your moods. If its due to something else, like a trauma, a therapist can help you identify the cause of your depression and help you heal. They may also use medications either temporarily or long term depending on the problem. Depression that has gone on as long as yours will probably require some sort of therapy. Its not usually something you can do alone.

I think you will find that everyone here understands what you are going through. Most of us are long term sufferers of depression in different stages for individual reasons. No one will judge you, and its a place you can go safely. Depression is paralyzing, and will rob you of all you used to love to do. There is still a happy person in there somewhere. You just have to find a way to get to her.

Sam2