Hi all, in less than a month I will have eleven years clean and sober. I have never wanted to get high in sobriety as much as I do now. I got clean and sober because the drugs and alcohol were messing with my meds so bad. My pill doc fired me because I was using. I was so suicidal at that time, so I went to rehab and have been clean ever since. The problem is that I am just as miserable now as I was when I was using, but I have no escape now. I figure I may as well have moments of serenity through drugs. Maybe I won't suffer all day and night anymore. Don't I deserve some peace? I'm not asking for someone to agree with my thoughts, I know I am thinking like an idiot. I'm just so frustrated and angry over my life.