Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyrabbit
I'm only just catching up with this thread. Growlithing, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain right now.
I think your problems are real and important. But, for the record, it's not the size of the problem that matters when it comes to reaching out for help - it's the size of the pain you're feeling. And the pain you're feeling sounds pretty big to me. Like many of us, you've been conditioned to deny and minimise it. But emotional pain is kind of like a fire, in my opinion - if it's burning, it's burning.
For the record, I don't think you're high maintenance. I want you to post more and reach out more - as much as you need to. I really hope you can talk to your T as well, like Bill said.
Also, you could email jo@samaritans.org to talk by email. They say:
We aim to respond to your email within 12 hours. How quickly we respond depends on how many volunteers we have working at that time.
If you email jo@samaritans.org and don't receive a reply within 24 hours, it may be worth checking your junk mail folder or resending your original message just in case there was a problem with sending it the first time.
Huge hugs to you.  |
I just feel like there are so many other people on this forum that need help and if I keep bumping my thread, other people will be missed.
I guess what’s hard is that I really don’t even know what is wrong with me. I feel fine during the day, but once I’ve been alone for a little while, I get locked into this feeling that everything in my life is just a distraction from the fact that I am a meaningless, undesirable, shell of a human being that is damned to a life of continually escaping my family only to be dragged back to them. I can’t shake that feeling and I just feel so hollow all of the time. Sometimes, I get triggered and I get really upset and panicky, but it’s usually just this dull, achey feeling in my heart.
I’m done with helplines or any of that stuff. I called lifeline the other day. The lady on the phone talked to me for 10 minutes, told me that I have to “change my entire personality” and get more “spunk” (her words) if I want to make it in this world. She told me I need to go out to parties and have fun. She also told me that I owe something to my mother because she pays for my tuition and questioned why my father ignores me. I don’t know why he ignores me, okay? He just does and asking me to question that is like asking me to hurt myself.
I emailed my school desperately asking for more help because I decided that I have to keep fighting even if I’m too tired to go on.
I also feel like I have to hide how I'm feeling to everyone in real life because no one can handle hearing about it. No one can help me. Not my friends, not my T, and not even the people on the ****ing crisis lines.