Self-hatered is best adressed in therapy.

Tbh, if your shrink thinks brain shrinkage is a silly reason not to take an AP... they are the ones who are sorta delusional. Maybe *they* need something brain damaging? Imho, APs should be used for severe issues and not thrown around like it's Skittles. There's other drugs that you could use that will not mess you up quite so badly.