even here despite intimate aquaintances I feel completely alone...

My life has been a mistake...

everytime I write I panic.... because I am an alien.

I am better at being everyone else than being me....

I am mentally ill

I am deeply ashamed of this

because I see the expanse of life
and I cannot find my way there

I see me and I know I can activate my emotions
but I am so seriously damaged
I can't even die it's so confusing!

I don't even like what holds me together
the shame is intense

I am a corpse in the daylight