Quote:
Originally Posted by sobergirl
Hi all, in less than a month I will have eleven years clean and sober. I have never wanted to get high in sobriety as much as I do now. I got clean and sober because the drugs and alcohol were messing with my meds so bad. My pill doc fired me because I was using. I was so suicidal at that time, so I went to rehab and have been clean ever since. The problem is that I am just as miserable now as I was when I was using, but I have no escape now. I figure I may as well have moments of serenity through drugs. Maybe I won't suffer all day and night anymore. Don't I deserve some peace? I'm not asking for someone to agree with my thoughts, I know I am thinking like an idiot. I'm just so frustrated and angry over my life.
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I understand and relate. I made it 8 years. You are allowed to feel and think however you are. You are not an idiot for that. That is the biggest thing I had to learn and still have to tell myself every day the moment I wake up until I fall asleep at night.
I am frustrated and angry over many things, life being the biggest of all.
You deserve whatever it is you feel you deserve in my opinion. If you want to delve into this more feel free to message me. I am no longer fighting one part of me any longer. I take the peaceful numb moments, hours if I can get them, and oh my if it turns into a day I am elated and enjoy it as long as I can.