hang in there, buddy, and keep trying! We all hurt each other from time to time. Apologies followed up by actions and adherence to guidelines help. I see you making an effort. Take care, hope pain gets better!

DubbleMonkey, I always enjoy your posts. They are like sweet bipolar poetry to me. I am sorry you are sad. I hope you are not feeling alone in your sadness. Most people on this forum understand your pain and have suffered right along beside you.

I hope the dark clouds part just a little and let a tiny bit of light in....

You are not a mistake, you are not an alien. We all are mentally ill here in different degrees but all of us struggle to maintain what we have. You are struggling mightier than many of us right now, HOLD ON! You have nothing to be ashamed of, you have done nothing wrong. HOLD ON,to these people here who care about you, who have been with you for so long. HOLD ON TIGHT!