Hi Jesusplay,
This is too hard. I am not sure what is going on with your mom. Mine had the inability to connect, she was always nervous and too negative. She was like that with all her kids. I love her now, but I am old. I know one day you will kind of understand her, one day you will perhaps get to know why she is in the way she is. But now you need somebody that can be more supportive for you. She just cannot do it. I would say (sorry if I am too risky or blunt) just stop thinking of her, refocus. She is not there for you, and maybe she will not be, at least for a while. I am sorry, I know you need my comfort, instead, I am giving some homework to do: look for somebody that can support you, be practical. I am not saying stop feeling bad because of your mom; I am just saying: try to look around and find somebody that can support you better. This is what I am doing right now and it is working. I wish you the best, and please, keep posting, we care about you and want to know how you are doing