I have a lot of mental health issues and I sometimes I have a hard time figuring out exactly what is going on with me. Is in my BP or something else?

My family of origin was wrought with of dysfunction. There were a lot of issues there, a lot of childhood pain.

I never liked feeling my feelings. I would do anything not to feel them. When I discovered alcohol that was a great way to medicate. From there boyfriends were also good to fill the void. When all else fails you can eat away your feelings.

For many years I suffered a lot, but it was not until 1998 that I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. I was given an anti-depressant which spiked me into a severe manic episode. That was the first step toward healing.

I got into therapy and dealt with the emotional pain from my childhood. I saw a pdoc and got meds for the bipolar. I ended up in recovery for my many addictions.

I know that some things happen that are due 100% to BP. But I don't think I can blame everything that happens in my life on my BP. There are too many moving parts.

Right now things in my life are going well, really well actually. Now I understand the difference in situational depression and clinical depression. It is a terrible thing to want to die when really you have a good life. That is the confusing thing about mental illness.

Not sure why I wanted to write about this. I felt really sad over the weekend. I'm was not depressed, just sad. I'm grateful today that I know the difference. I am grateful that I have the tools I learned in therapy to feel my feelings. I am grateful that I don't have to overeat or drink to feel better. I am so grateful that I have a good pdoc and life saving meds.