*Takes deep breath* Whew.
It went ok. I feel I did a good job talking, didn't clam up or anything. Didn't hold anything back, either. Feeling pretty ok right now, and I know better than to think it'll last too long, but it's good. Unfortunately I won't be able to see her again for 2 weeks, but at least something's started.
In all honesty, I guess I'm taking some good steps. People tell me so, and I brush it off, but maybe I'm not so weak and pathetic as I feel. My counselor told me I'm brave for setting it up to see her on my own, despite the risk with my mom. And last night I was feeling horrible, so nervous, and ended up calling my college group leader, who was surprised, he didn't think I'd ever manage to call. I talked with him for about an hour, and that was really good, felt a whole lot less nervous. I guess even making that appointment with the psychiatrist and the work I've done for about 2 months in opening up about my struggle, kinda building some support for myself, asking about a better job... I guess I could be proud of myself for pushing out like this.
If I look past the "I don't want to deal with this anymore" thought, there are things to grab on to... maybe I'm even making progress. Wow.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...