Hi

I come here after experiencing what I can only describe as the worst few weeks of my entire life.
I've been with my partner for 20 years and we have two children (12 & 16) together. We met as teens and he was/is my first true love.

Our relationship has never been a 'conventional' relationship any sense of the word. I've long suspected he's on the autistic spectrum, because of his unsocial ways, unusual obsessions and communication problems. However, despite his social disabilities, he's always been a fantastic Dad, a soul mate for me and I consider him my best friend.

As is well documented his disabilities eventually took their toll on his life in so many ways and has meant he has been unable to work for the past ten years.
And has other health issues that have added to his stress levels. He's a very proud man, and this has affected him mentally. To the point that ten yrs ago he has a psychotic break and spent a few months in a psych unit.
When he was in the unit he kept telling me he did not want to continue a relationship with me even thou he loved me. He said he did not think he could fulfill any of my 'needs', even thou it was him second guessing what my needs were.
His Matriarch, controlling Mother (who verbally abused him as a kid) made it her mission to encourage him to come back home to her, after verbally abusing me via phonecalls, and even yelled that I had 'taken her Son away from her' all those years ago!
But, my Partner and I eventually reconciled and he moved back home.

The past year or so I have noticed a major change in his personality and moods. He was tons of eating sugary foods, sleeping all day and disappearing off for hours at a time after rowing with me over silly things. His memory has been terrible and the other week he even forgot what year it is!
Our relationship has suffered in a big way. We were rarely intimate, although when we were he told me he loved me...Then a few days later he was telling me he is unable to feel love. Or that he feels he doesn't love me. Then again a few days later he's showing me affection and telling me he loves me again. I Just knew he was going to breakdown again. Which he did..

So now history is repeating itself with even greater force, and he's currently back in the psych unit, under a section (that I had to make happen) & they have diagnosed a psychotic break.
Since being in hospital he has not communicated with me, asked the nurses not to tell me anything about his treatment. But asking (via his Mother) to maintain contact with the children. His meddling Mother is right back in the middle of everything. Even down to trying to control when he speaks to the kids, and making my life very difficult. But, she is his only contact right now.
I've heard from the hospital that he will be allowed to leave tomorrow and in so many terms has said he wont be coming home. So his Mother has said he can come to live with her (and her grown Daughter, 3 yr old Grandson and Husband) temporarily until the psych team can find him somewhere permanant to live.

I have had a hard time dealing with the fact his Mother has been right in the middle of it all again. Its almost like its what she wanted...I can imagine she hasn't told him how much I miss him like I asked her too. As she said his mind is 'too fragile' for her to speak about anything too personal.
I've had a row with her over the phone the past week, and she has called me 'abusive' because after she told me she knows how I feel, I told her that she has no idea how I, or our kids feel!...How is that abusive? Since that day, she has said she will no longer be communicating with me via phonecalls and will be limiting it to texts only, just to ask how the kids are 'coping'.

All of this situation has made me sick to my very core. I'm not sleeping well, eating much, crying all the time and I just feel cast aside like the villian in all of this. I understand that right now he wont be in the right frame of mind to come home, and we probably could do with the break. But, this time it feels like he's not ever coming back and I feel so heartbroken and lost without my best friend and long term partner. I just wish I could make everything all ok again. (