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Old Sep 24, 2013, 11:14 AM
duende duende is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: California
Posts: 536
Quote:
What do you mean? At my reply?
Hey Sandman, I guess I meant that yesterday was really rough. At the end of the day, I was feeling so down and was on the verge of breaking down in tears in the anonymous public on my commute home. I'm okay now. But no, I wasn't doubting in response to your reply (if that makes sense). Haha. I guess I just over-think things and so when I go back and read a statement that I've written like, "I appear even-tempered," I really begin to doubt that. I do my best to be honest and candid about things.

But yes, once someone gets close to me, they eventually see that I'm really sensitive to things. I'm always worried about scaring people away. They'll respond to my episode (whatever that may have been), and then I'll feel really sh!tty and get scared when I think about how much worse it really is inside.

I guess this whole "quiet" bit is about the daily struggle with social expectations vs. external behavior vs. internal chaos. So, often I'm wearing this "in-control"/"on-purpose" mask, but it doesn't always stay on. Hope that makes sense. Good question. Thanks for asking.