This "in-control"/"on-purpose" mask kept me focused for years. I had the advantage of having to be strong for my kids and I tried to keep my mask in place except for when I was alone and could allow myself to be vulnerable. My kids are getting older and now I see cracks here and there where my focused energies are no longer focused. Work, kids, school, computers, video games, anything to keep me occupied and on target, focused anywhere but myself. I guess I have to start a new hobby. Lol. Aggression was another way that I kept focused. I hated everybody around me (except my family) and tuned them out. My road rage sucked but I was able to avoid my vulnerable feelings for quite a long time.