Quote:
Originally Posted by crab76
I've been doing OK or So I thought....
Until Recently....
My Fiance never goes anywhere without me. But he has two Business opportunities coming up that are requiring him to go on two trips. To Amsterdam & Abu Dhabi.
They are REAL opportunities to make alot of money so I totally get why he has to explore them. But I am losing my mind with abandonment fears.
Before these trips came up we have been fighting NON stop about other things. I threaten to break up with him almost weekly.
I push and push and I guess he's finally had enough. Now he says he's done being treated like this and he's going on these trips no matter what.
I feel my WORST fear. Rejection. Abandonment.
The pain is so deep. I feel myself spiraling back to that dark spot. This is what happened with us two years ago. He promised me, my Dr's & my family he would take care of me no matter what and always be there for me. He said he understood my BPD.
I need advice and support on how to handle him leaving. Weather we stay together or break up it's going to be AWFUL. Unbearable.  |
First thing you should do is find a way to calm things down before he leaves, use every ounce of mental energy to avoid ranting and freaking out on him even if it means you remain silent instead of talking. I dont' know if that's possible, that's very hard for me.. but just an example. The trip will go more smoothly (both of them) if you make sure you see him off on the best of notes. if you make it any worse, all it will do is pile onto your original fears. At worst is he could leave in the aftermath of an argument and you will ruminate, panic and fear the entire time he is gone. You'll have to deal with the fears anyway but.. if he leaves with you both on better terms, you'll have a better chance at not totally losing it.
Set yourself up for things that you can do and places you can be that will take your time, your energy and your mind to do. If you have even one friend that can support you and talk you down from any of your moments of extreme panic, call on them and tell them what is happening and what you need.
Idk just some ideas... I hope this helps and I wish you much luck *hugs*
S4