Peaches! I was wondering where you'd got to. Re your T, I remember you once wrote something about how you detached from your mother in order to cope with her going away. I wonder if that might be just what you feel you should do with your T now, but that feeling is in conflict with the part of you that knows your T is offering that nurturing and support. It makes perfect sense in the context of your story that time apart from your T would be triggering and hard to deal with.

It strikes me that maybe you need to spend some time figuring out the fact that your attachment to your T is different - that it's not a dangerous attachment that's going to end up with you getting hurt and abandoned, so the nurturing doesn't come at the price of being set up to get hurt. By the way, kids who are independent learn to be that way because they've first had a secure attachment. The way to learn to be independent is first to allow yourself to depend.