Hi, Vanilla. I probably understand your situation more than most since I found myself in your position. I don't really think it is neccessary to put a name to your lover's mental ailments. Just saying he has issues is good enough. He left and you have to pick up the pieces either by staying with you husband or getting a divorce and seeking someone else that might be able to love you more. My situation ended with my lover and my husband chose to forgive me. I was still broken hearted for some time but time does heal our wounds. I don't know if your husband is willing to forgive you .I'm a lucky woman my husband has put up with a lot from me and has stood by me when I needed it most. So I stayed and made it work with his help. The affair will evenually become a dim memory. Sorry you got your heart broken, but tis the way of life.