Thanks for both of your kind words. It is difficult because I don't know why I can't forgive AND I don't know exactly why I did it in the first place. A lot of times I think it was anxiety-related (i.e. constantly worrying, "is he really the one?", "will I be happy for the rest of my life?", "what will it all be like?", etc.) And while I don't blame the drugs themselves, I do feel that the "blah" feeling they gave me played a part in my "chasing emotional highs" at that point in my life. That is one of the many reason I am hesitant to go back on meds of any kind- that and the side effects really freak me out.

I know that I will eventually get over the guilt and that pain. I just am not sure about the anxiety. Does it ever really go away? Or should I say can we ever maintain it well without the meds?

I want to be able to talk to people and not hear my voice shake, to get off the phone with family or friends and not wonder if THEY'RE wondering what's wrong, or to feel confident enough to call them in the first place!

What's with the family thing? Does family-related stuff make anyone else more anxious? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing ok and then just the though of my parents can throw me into a spell. And it hurts and is scary because they are pretty great people. Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks again for the responses!