I feel like I'm in the same boat. Like you, I don't know what else I can do. I avoid going anywhere, lock myself up in an efficiency, and interact very little with the outside world. I feel like a prisoner. I did a lot of deceptive things in my past, I can't seem to forgive myself. I need to, in order to go outside everyday and take the criticism I always have to put up with. Will it ever end? I guess my only chance is to persevere while it's all being thrown in my face.