Very powerful post you have here. I'll be honest, I had the same problem when I was in middle school. It was really hard to tell people that it was an addiction, to feel the pain (like I'm punishing myself) and feel something real.
Congrats on getting through four months though. That's tough and I'm hopeful for you to have made it that far. Relapsing is normal and sometimes you're going to have many of them. Just have to keep in mind what you're looking for. Ask yourself why you're cutting and ask yourself why you want to stop. In my case it was a really stupid deal I made with myself: LC, you're never gonna feel real happiness until you stop cutting. Then it was one day at a time. Soon it became one week then one month and I have hardly felt the need to do it since.
Just one day at a time man...that's all you can do. And keep reminding yourself why you want to stop and make sure the reasons are yours and not to please other people.
Best wishes for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eva2121
Hii
A year ago my addiction to self harm has started. It started off with a few scratches but it quickly escalated to big wounds and now scars. Cutting became my only refuge, the only way I could vent, the only method to punish myself for being so worthless. Everything would make me cut, everytime I'm upset and even sometimes I had to cut just to feel sane. As much as it made me momentarily feel better, I hated it. It made me feel so selfish, I hated myself and it had its ways of making me feel guilty of abusing my own body. I tried to stop. Sometimes weeks would pass without me cutting but then something would happen and I'd relapse again. It was an ongoing cycle. I just lost hope and faith in myself...why try when I know I'm gonna fail eveytime
Now 4 months (4 very hard deprived months) have passed without me cutting. I've turned to other methods like rubber band on the wrist and drawing cuts on my arm (yes I was that desperate). But a few weeks ago I relapsed and ever since that time I let go of every ounce of strength I put into trying to stop. Now the urges are frequent and I can't seem to do anything to distract myself anymore. I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I don't want to let my best friend down..I promised id stop after he noticed the cuts but now I can't even look into his eyes without feeling guilty. He was one of my main incentives and now I even let that go.
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