I also don't know if you meant for this to be funny, but this made me laugh!

It is soooo true. Every online dating profile seems to read the same thing. It's like a mad lib.. but filled out slightly differently each time.

I was on POF for a while. It seemed like all the guys profiles would read something like: Hi, I'm _____. I'm into _____, outdoors, _____, sports, ____, and ______. I like hanging out with my buddies. I love my dog. If you're a girl whose up for fun and hanging out, contact me!
(It's like people on dating sites are weirdly all extroverted, they're all dog people!)

95% of the private messages I would get on the dating site would just read: "Hey" Or some kind of greeting like that. Hardly anyone tried to get a conversation going... I would have to be the one to start it. I figured if they really wanted to talk with me, they'd make an effort first so I never really bothered trying to talk with them back. I usually hate small talk.

And then I went on one blind date. a guy I took a chance on because I thought he couldn't be creepy because we coincidentally had some mutual friends we found out over Facebook and he used to go to a church youth group that I used to. It was... the worst and only first actual official date I have ever been on.

NEVER TRUST PICTURES ON THE INTERNET. ever. He was so much shorter than he said (5'6 my ***), his eyes were farther apart, he had this weird lisp. I could have gotten over appearances IF the conversation had been fine. But I could tell he was just saying a bunch of stuff to agree with me to get on my good side... he was doing it so much that it became painfully obvious and annoying to me. At the same time, it didn't seem like he was listening to me at all. He would quickly say he agreed with me or knew what I was talking about.. trying to finish my sentence.. when he didn't actually know at all! And then he implied near the end of our date, and then made it more obvious because he didn't think I was getting it, that in case I didn't want to date, we could just see each other in a sexual way... and I was like... SERIOUSLY?

The date was so bad that I texted a friend when he wasn't looking, and told her to call me with a fake emergency... I tried to escape when we were paying his bill. He caught me.. offered to bus with me. I tried hinting over and over subtly in different ways throughout the date without bluntly saying it that I wasn't interested... so I tried again.. being like.. oh it's far away and I have to catch a certain bus. He said he'd wait with me.. and I said I actually had to go to use the public bathroom at the university (which was right on the street by us) and he said he'd wait at the bathroom stall! Finally I was like, no, you should probably just go to your place. His face changed and got serious and he was like.. I have nothing to do there. All I would be doing is napping. And I was like.. you could probably use a nap. And his face got more serious still and was like.. are you telling me to leave? And finally I was like Yes!

Then we had the most awkwardest of hugs (his hug was like.. waaaay too close and in my space..like he was trying to wriggle himself completely around me). And I walked away not looking back. I was absolutely mortified about that date. ... I can laugh about it now. Even right after it, I have a good sense of humor about things, I was laughing then too.

But like.. wow. I decided online dating was not for me. I deleted my profile after that.

Sorry, that was waaaay longer than you were looking for but I couldn't resist lol