Pammie -- I learned how to set boundaries by working with counselors, learning to monitor my body responses, use words carefully, and give praise as mom changed.

The specific words we use are quite important. They can set a boundary politely, so that progress can be made, or they can set up a "get back, stay away from me" situation.

One of my therapists even taught me to praise me mother lavishly when she gave me the right kind of support that I needed. It has been a big learning experience for me, and apparently for my mom. During my recent years of trouble, she has been the most supportive person behind me, the only person I can count on. Quite a difference from "What did you do to that car?", eh.