Yea you guys are all right. If I don't trust him then I shouldn't be with him.

Thanks s4ndm4n2006 it actually really helps to have a guys perspective on this one.

And GeorgiaGirl....I'm very loyal and not promiscuous even when single so I don't think I would cheat. BUT if I were to put myself in situations where alcohol and drugs were involved in a party setting without my S/O then maybe sooner or later I could break. I'd like to say NO... but u never know. It's in a guys human nature to be with multiple women. I just feel like it's not the appropriate setting for a committed guy. Too much temptation. Although there is no proof he has cheated there have been some lies and things that make me not trust him. He's no angel.

Therapy went ok. But he basically bulldozed over me and wouldn't let me speak. He's got alot of anger built up towards me. I'm going to go see her on my own tomorrow morning to talk to he about my internal struggles. Some of my BPD symptoms are too much for him to listen to or understand.

She said she will help me while he's gone. I can go see her a couple times and she said she will call me every day.

The thing with him is he's never researched BPD to try to understand the disorder. He just assumed I'd get better. And I was doing WAY better. Until now. He doesn't understand that you can function well in society with BPD. But there are certain triggors that will bring the behaviors out. He's now saying that he can't deal with this the rest of his life. My Dr told me way back then that he didn't seem capable or mature enough to be able to handle someone like me long term. He was right. Cuz now he's giving up on me the first sign of trouble.

My heart is breaking. But I am lucky that I have family, friends and YOU GUYS to help me through. I truly appreciate all the helpful advice. I'm not going to let myself crumble like I did a couple years ago. I went to the lowest of lows and did the worst imaginable. I Won't do that again.