Candy, I get what you are saying and I too believe that it is not enough to survive but to want to thrive. We are dealt the hands we have and often I am waiting for the next bomb to drop. But if I can engage in something outside of myself that feels good it enriches. I know you do good things for many people and that is you struggling toward meaning of being here and what power do you have to effect positive change. You do have power my friend. You have the power of making friends, I am proud to be one, you have the gift of communication, you have a sense of self that is there, I have seen it. Some days existance is just not enough. we want more. And yet, we did survive. I didn't follow through those many times when I was younger and die. I didn't turn my pain into a murderous rage. And neither did you. You are a good soul and to me that is what it is all about.