Learning of my tactics that always seemed normal are anything but. The ways to dominate and create a world for ourselves and the ones close to us are almost ingenious. At the same time the issues we have that make us who we are are so screwed up as well. My therapy sessions are what I create as well. My first therapist who I have moved away from brought me down. Took me to a place I have never been or allowed myself to be. I left soon thereafter to find a new one. This time I control the sessions, she constantly tells me how great work I have done in such a short time and yes this is me. I tried to run from this after learning, I am who I am though just understanding the modification parts. I wish I could feel the way normal people do. I wish I did not have to be in control or worry about being perfect with many things. Here I am 9 months in to therapy and medication and my feelings have not changed. The hurt I can inflict is so wrong but yet I still let it happen. When I do it makes me feel on top even though I am doing this to somebody I really do love. If you are a narc, what can you do?? Deal with it by understanding it. If you like it then don't worry about it. Me as a n would not accept my own self to be weak, depressed or something to that effect. This would shatter myself if one of my docs told me otherwise and yet it really is simple to get what I want out of them. Is this the right way to be? Definitely not but once again we are who we are!!