You don't have to worry about your writing being too long when you are so on-target with your responses.

I have a history of running away from therapy too, and I am determined not to do it this time. I do retreat mentally/emotionally though. I take my time writing back to her, and f2f quite often we sit and stare at each other, me not thinking of anything to say. I am afraid to try sometimes - afraid of 'getting it wrong,' even though there aren't right or wrong answers. I just want to avoid making the same mistakes again, but silence is one of the worst ones too.

My next appointment isn't for two weeks (last one was in October, and July before that). Then we will start every other week f2f. I'm hoping that this time I will be able to say what I really feel, but find the balance and not go overboard either. I think that finding the balance is my problem with boundaries too. Sometimes I self-disclose too much, and sometimes I am too closed off, and I don't do very well at knowing which is what. Some situations call for more self-disclosure than others. I also tend to relate to people by comparing myself to them, and that can get old. I am trying to work on that, but there are certain people with whom it is hard to resist.

We can choose therapists here, but if you go to an agency, or belong to an HMO, or your insurance company restricts who and what they will cover, etc., then you might not get much of a choice. It has taken me this long to realize that I did have a choice, and the current therapist is one that I chose and asked her to work with me.

Thanks for telling me about your studies. My study of philosophy for its own sake doesn't extend too far beyond reading "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder, and also the amount of philosophy that is part of psychology, as psychology came out of philosophy and physiology. I have studied existential theories a bit. I am not sure what to make of that wikipedia article. Someone sure threw a lot of terms in there together, anyway. To someone not familiar with the subject that article is more intimidating than anything else. I could pick my way through it if I had time, which I don't. I'm on my way back to my old house (a 4-hour drive - should have left a couple of hours ago) do try to get more packing and cleaning done. I'll be back tomorrow night.

TC everyone!

Rap