For a while I felt like I was just existing, and there are days that I do still feel like that. To tell you the truth (and I do not condone or recommend this) weed made me feel like I was living again. It really really really helped me practice mindfulness and be comfortable in what I am doing. It helped me just enjoy the moment, enjoy the blue skies, the feel of my horses mane, the burn in my legs when I walk through the mud. Now I find mindfulness easier to practice sober too. When I truly live in the moment it is easier to go with the flow of life and enjoy it when the enjoyable comes along.

In saying that I do still feel like you some days. I have some goals that I have set but Im not too fussed if I dont reach them really, and I know that is "bad" but I cant seem to care all that much. And I was like that before I started smoking so its not that influencing me.

Some days I just believe that life will work out the way it is supposed to and I shouldnt fret if I feel like I am going nowhere with no life goals because something will come up when I am ready to embrace it.