I really hope that you can use this break to be brutally honest with the pdoc about your situation with your mother, the intensity of your SI urges, and your need for more skilled treatment than you have at your school. I hope they can get you medically stabilized on a regimen that will maintain you. Use the calm of the ativan to reveal yourself and to make a plan for aftercare.

Your T didn't make this decision for you. You made the decision, and you can feel proud of that. I know it must feel like you're giving up control, but another way of looking at this is that you're taking control. Take the next step by not minimizing, and not being intimidated by your family, to tell your truth. You deserve help.