I'm so angry at my GP right now.
My current councellor has suggested I go to my GP for a bipolar assesment as my mood swings have been very extreme this year. This is the 5th person who has suggested bipolar to me in the past few years and I've only recently been taking this suggestion seriously. I went to my GP for depression a few months ago - I couldnt seem to get out of it after I ruined my exams and my relationship went to pot during a suspected hypo episode earlier in the year. He put me on citalopram (ive been on it 6 weeks now - a lowered dose for the past two) which sent me on a total high - this ended up in an overdose, multiple SH episodes, me not sleeping for a week, a near cheating episode, extreme paranoia and anxiety and hallucinations. Not to mention the extreme irritability which resulted in me attempting to cut an itch out of my arm. Citalopram made me want to die at one point.

My GP promised me it wouldnt set off a manic episode, as I informed him that I had a bad reaction to fluoxetine a few year back - another relationship breakdown after I was physically violent towards him, a week of pure depression where my dad had to book a week off work to look after me because I wanted to die - followed by 9 months of a high in which I started preaching to god, believed that God was inside me, started my own business (which totally flopped), got in a load of debt, quitting therapy, didnt sleep, was high on life and also resulted in me becoming a mother. I was only on fluoxetine for 2 months.

I had a non medicated high about a year or so before that where i ended up jetting off to another country for 4 months, in which the high mood swings got so out of control I used to have blackouts and wake up covered in cuts and bruises. I woke up one morning in the bathroom in a pool of my own blood and I still to this day cant remember how it happened - all I know is how estatic abou tlife I was about 12 hours before the incident. I came back to england 4 months later leaving my friend paying for the house contract (it was for a year) and picking up the rest of my pieces, all because there was a party in england I wanted to go to. Theres much more to this, I had severe mood swings in school but I wont drag it on even more.

Anyway - my GP has passed off the fact that the antidepressants are making me want to die - told me im depressed, and prescribed me sertraline! Im at my wits end going back and fourth trying to get someone to listen to me and I dont know what else to do. I dont want to be here today. I feel like its going to take a hospital admission to get people to take me seriously and im trying to avoid that at all costs, my daughter needs me.