30 years old. Just lost my job a week ago, boss walked in and said we're closing down the company. I don't have any other options but to crawl back to my parents home. I'm living with my girlfriend but we didn't manage to save up any money, here in europe the rent is kinda high and the wages aren't so we lived nicely but didn't really have any significant chance to save. She is also finished with her summer job and here we are, unemployed and broke-ish.

Going back home bugs me for couple of reasons. I see it as a loss. I have a feeling my entire family will laugh behind me back. Also, the idea of burgling into their lives makes me nervous. My father keeps telling me we should come over until we find job and another apartment. That's all fine. But the problem is dealing with THEIR lives.

Here's the background - my parents live in the same house, but they live separated. The first floor of the house was renewed 10 years ago becase my father wanted me to live there, to have my little place to work, to have my own privacy etc. I was 20 back then. Around that time my parents relationship fell apart. Maybe it was bad before it, but I was too little to notice. So just around that time when that studio apartment was finished, they started to feud, big time, and me and my sister got involved, and it would always end up with her defending mother and I would try to stay in the middle but ended up on fathers side, or at least "opposed to mother side".

The arguments were tiresome, daily. I wanted to move out and I did, but returned home after couple of months due to breakup. My father moved downstairs to the little studio he built for me. And he's living there for 10 years.

So that's my parents home I have to come back now. Not only me, but my girlfriend too. I feel bad for dragging her around like that. We're not married, I don't want to get married in a situation like this. I find the whole ceremony laughable also.

I'm afraid about the dynamics in the house. My room is on the top floor of the house, which means me and my GF will be living on "mother's" side, and if I want to see my father I'll have to go downstairs. Just typing this make me laugh and cringe at the same time, it's so embarrassing. Did I mention they work at the same place since they have their own shop? Also, my sister is living there, but she never moved out, so she has this "bossy" attitude which I resent. And she doesn't have a boyfriend. Hooray.

I feel lifeless and I eat a lot lately. The fact the boss walked in and said we're closing down, out of the blue, without any (literally) signs of bad business in past 2 years (I know, I've seen the financial reports) is kinda surprising. And we have to move out quickly, since our landlord already found new tenants.

How do I go thru this? I'm coming home with my GF, we need to orchestrate our life in my little room and we need to find a way to be out of everyones way without being "rude"...me personally I don't want to hang out with them (my sister and mother).

I hate the jokes my mother makes, she has this stupid humor I can't stand, semi-ironic, putting everyone down depreciating kind of humor, I can't explain it but the point is I can't stand it, I find it annoying...and when she's not cracking "jokes" she's trying to lecture everyone, always trying to sneak some moral lessons as if she's hosting the View or Oprah....and the worst part is, in half of her moral remarks there's an underlying message about my father. She talks in plural "people this" and "people need to that" and "life is this" etc but I can clearly see thru it, all of those remarks are basically saying "don't do things like that guy living downstairs".

When my father comes up (for instance, when guests come, like for example, me and my GF) there's an obvious bad vibe between them, and it takes 5 sentences maximum until they start undermining remarks towards each other.

So this is my future. I have no (significant) money. But I do have prospect of having a job. In near future. It ain't guaranteed. It's a project I've been workin on with my friend and it seems that the whole thing is actually coming to fruition. But, like always, nothing was agreed or set between us. And I'm the work guy in the whole process, he's the "boss". So now I'm waiting for the news about it...

I also have a HUGE problem with another friend of mine, who proposed that we start a project and I said "hell yes" because that was 1 month ago when I still had my job and when I still had the idea of living in this apartment indefinitely. The thing's changed but I don't know how to break it to him.

He has a lot of his own money, he was smart enough to stay in his parents home until he hit 30, he saved up a lot of money, and - of course - he's dating a girl who is very well-off...so he lives with her, doesn't need to pay anything, makes money, saves money...where as I am in a completely different boat.

Anyway, he keeps calling me each day asking how its going and I'm trying to come up with excuse because I don't want to ruin our friendship...what a cluster****.

I also find myself having strong self-deprecation swings from time to time...maybe it's a leftover from parents (the usual, spanking, punishment curfews, and "you aint ****" talks...but I kinda understand it since they were battling each other thru us...) or maybe it's a leftover from my old job. Back in the day 7-8 years ago I got my first "real" job at my friends company and not only did I get ridiculously underpaid, I was treated in a way that haunts me to this day. Every single project I had (creative field) was rushed and everything I tried to make look better was cut down with the constant "who cares about it, oh as if someone will notice that, nobody will care, it can work without it, whoever think those details matter is an idiot" type of remarks.

For whatever reason, those words echo in my mind till this day. Whenever I find something I wish to perfect and take care of details, I hear those voices..."who cares....only schmucks care about those things"...etc

All these things depress me...and I really don't know where to start to shake them off.