I tried to see her today, to bring her the things she had asked for. They said she was in the shower.....now she knew when I was coming and they have had a hard time to get her to take a shower. And today she just decides that she is going to go take one on her own........NOT! I know what she is doing, she doesn't want to see me so that's why she is showering now, and her counselor said I could just leave the things and they will give them to her. NOPE, not happening.....I am not leaving anything, if she wants them then she needs to see me. So I left a little note stating that "sorry, I missed you. Give me a call when your ready for me to bring your things to you." The counselor thought I was being a little rough, and giving her "tough love" but I don't care. I have feelings about this whole mess and I need to be heard. Is that so wrong? If I don't stand up for myself and not be heard then I will think less of me and start to cut. This is so upsetting ..... my head keeps telling me that I am bad, that I need to be punished. Look what I did to her, drove her crazy and pushed her over the edge. And I tend to think if I do cut maybe she will see how hurt I am and she will try harder to get better................I don't know, its all a struggle right now.