A lot has been going on in my life the last several months, but I find it difficult to talk to people about it. I keep reading things online that say "Go to friends and family" and whatnot, but I just don't have the desire to share how I'm feeling with my mother or either of my best friends or...well, anyone. I feel like the only outlet I have, strangely, is online, where I can just vent anonymously on sites like this. Similarly, I've contemplated going to my college's counselor/therapist for over two years, and still haven't. I just don't feel like going to other people to talk about my problems. It's not that I don't trust them, I guess, I just don't feel very close to them, at least not to the point where I'm willing to tell them how I feel and what's going on with me. It took me forever to tell anyone I lost my job and got kicked out of my school program, and I haven't told my mother yet that my boyfriend of 11 months just dumped me. I told my best friends, but didn't reveal to them that it upset me. I tend to just play things off like I'm okay even when I'm not, because I seem to outright refuse to tell anyone when I need help or am having problems. My eating disorder issues recently picked back up and I haven't told anyone about that (well, until right now, I guess), and I was contemplating suicide a few months ago and didn't tell anyone that either. The only person I would even consider telling this to is now my ex-boyfriend (and even then, I'm a little wary of telling people about that, because when I told my ex-fiance two years ago that I had an ED, he went on a rant about how it was "disgusting" and "how could I do that to myself" and "you're going to die soon and even if you don't you won't be able to have kids" and when I told him I was suicidal, he said verbatim "people who commit suicide go to hell...and if you killed yourself I would never forgive you"; so now I don't really want to open up to others as much about it). But that can't be the only reason, I was like this before. I just want to know why. Is it a matter of not trusting others? Do I have attachment issues? Am I just being stubborn? What's going on here?

Sorry this was so long!