Not sure of my feelings anymore, since I'm so desensitized from living with my narcissistic father under the same roof for 42 years of the 51 years I've been on this planet, and been with and married to a narcissistic husband for over 26 years. I live in the same house I grew up in. The irony is that I vowed once I left home at 21, I would never live here again. Nine years later, I was enticed back by my father on the agreement my husband and I would buy the house from my parents when we were financially ready at a very good price. We were ready five years later, we did just that, and my mom didn't want to leave the home she had been so accustomed to living in. So I caved into her wishes, and here we are today still living under the same roof, and I've never been so depressed and deflated in my entire life as I am now. My mother is a schizophrenic who tried committing suicide three separate times in my childhood and wasn't there physically or emotionally when me and my two sisters needed her. Mind you, she is the most positive person I have ever encountered in all my life as long as she stays on her meds. My mother-in-law was a narcissist and the father-in-law was passive aggressive. Needless to say, the MILs oldest, a daughter, is a narcissist as well. My FIL passed away about 8 years ago and my MIL...not soon enough...over 1 1/2 years ago. I was thrilled beyond excitement of her passing. She was such an evil, tortured soul. Unfortunately, the in-laws passing has caused my husband to become even needier and his narcissistic tendencies to create more drama than ever. Not a day didn't go by that he didn't talk with his mom on the phone while she was alive, and now that his codependency on his mother has been cutoff, I'm the host having the life sucked out of me at an unprecedented pace. I finally had the sense (most recently) to start seeing a psychotherapist upon the recommendation of a new medical doctor I started seeing. The therapist told me why I was so depressed and wishing that I would just go to sleep and never wake up again within my first visit. She identified the people closest to me in my life as narcissists. I had heard of the term, but had no idea what it completely entailed. Well, I dove right in to try and find out as much as I could on this disorder, and have been blown away wishing I would have learned this many, many years sooner. But, don't they say it's better late than never...I'd have to disagree. I'm halfway through The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, and OMG are my eyes wide open and a great weight has lifted off of me...not all of it, but a lot. Now I feel the control has been give back to me, so I can move toward healing. A little more history and I'll be done...my older sister by two years had committed suicide in 2000 (such a loving, kind, passionate soul...miss her dearly), and I believe my younger sister (3 1/2 years younger) may be a narcissist or at the very least has borderline personality disorder; she was my father's favorite and received the brunt of his tendencies and for more years than my older sis and I. With all these narcissistic people who have surrounded me in my life, I have to wonder, are there more NPDs than not, and do I have the disorder as well? Well, I'm hoping through counseling, I can dig through the layers of crap stored in the recesses of my mind and once and for all release the pain I've held onto since the time I had come into this world and find out if I'm NPD, and mostly learn what I need to do to put the narcissists in line that surround me on a daily basis. Wish me luck, and if anyone has some advice, I'm wide open to it...sorry for the lengthiness of my post. Cheers!