I really feel for you because I have gone crazy about the ladies before and it's the worst thing.

I think it's really important for you to know that the more you push her to see you, the less likely she is going to want to see you. I know that probably seems to be backwards but I find that in this kind of situation, it is always good to do exactly the opposite of what you think you should do. She will eventually want to see you again too, but not if you are constantly on her back about it. Let her come to you when she is ready, and she will, trust me.

And like Sam2 said, it's really important for you to realize that you cannot control her. You can't control anyone for that matter. You cannot make her talk to you, I know it is very hard and I know you want to talk to her probably more than anything but to me it seems like she desperately needs this space. I think by cutting yourself to get her attention you will push her even further away as well. I've done that before, and my girlfriend never wanted to see me again because of it. She's already going through a lot, it would be very hard on her to see that you are cutting again.

And you know what? This is a really rich time in your life I think. I'm 100% sure that it doesn't feel like it but you are going to grow and you are going to learn new things, and hopefully you will be a healthier and more stable person because of this. She cannot be your "rock" right now, but I know you can take care of yourself. It will be hard, but just do your best.

You do not deserve to be punished you deserve to be forgiven. Forgive yourself and do your best to make it right.

All the best,

- A