It's tough, when dealing with people who harbor lots of anger. Not sure, what the solution to resolving that, but I do like the notion of addressing how you'd like to be spoken to.

One thing, that instinctually came to mind, for me, reading the beginning of your OP, about asking him a question and not getting a response, was to touch his shoulder, lightly and say his name, and then ask the question when you have his attention. I have to get the attention of my children sometimes, saying their name doesn't always seem to be enough, and I've been watching this be effective first hand with how the autism teacher handle some of their students, at my work. ((not saying he has that, just saying, it's an effective communication technique))

When trying to address how you like to be addressed, in a non combative, no name calling type of way. There are ways to address this, once you have his attention.

Try to focus on when I hear this said to me(not when I hear YOU say this...), I Feel this. Could we try to interact in a more polite/friendly manner to one another, I really appreciate you in my life.

Hope that helps....