Thank you guys. Really. I am just tired, I have a 104F fever that hasn't broken yet (I get at least three high fevers a day. I'd rather have Lupus like they thought I did then stills. Then again, I'd still be on the same steroidal treatment).

I am sorry, Amandalousie, that you know how it is to lose your brother. If my brother passed away a week ago, I wouldn't have even brought up feeling ill to my parents or my sister. I understand the waves of grief and that it's not a straight line. He died a year ago on August 11th. I have had that year to go back to therapy, miss him greatly (as I still do), cry, hate the world, all of that. My concern is the my mom is never going to live again because her terminally ill son died. And that's not fair to her. And to be frank, it's not fair to her living family. And I understand she is grieving still, and she can admit that she cannot move on. But even if it's not for me, if it's for my sister, my mom needs to start stepping out and cherishing the time she has with her before my sister moves away. Before I move away, which I am planning to do with my sister.

The dead is never going to come back. I convinced myself forever that my brother would return. And now I know he will not. But living family; they are living. And we cannot dictate the health of our loved ones based on the fact that someone died. That may seem cruel or empty to say, but it is true. If my sister and I were older, both well, Living alone, I still would struggle with my mother ending her life while still living. She deserves a life as much as the next person. She just needs to start going back to therapy and actually talking to me and letting me help rather than shutting me out and living in this imaginary world where I'm not sick and no one else will ever be.